In an earlier post, I wrote about my talentlessness. I think I know what my state is, it is not lack of talent...It is the incapableness in me to learn any one thing in its entirety, I give up before I have learnt it all...

for instance when I started to learn kathak( N.Indian dance form) I learnt for 5 years, took 2 exams and 1 more exam wud've earned me a degree, I used to really enjoy dancing, but gave up...then painting, i learnt sketching, coloring with water colors, pastels, the last leg was oil painting and I gave up right then...I used to love playing Volley Ball in school, but the moment I got out of school, I gave up on that too...Swimming, once I got comfortable in the water, and could splash around, I didn't hv the urge to go into the deep or to learn different strokes...

so many more instances cloud my mind when I have given up things half way or half done...

does this mean I am an escapist? I don't think so, cause I never run away from my problems, I will always face them, I will always face the enemy and make sure that I have said what it is I wanted to say, I give all job interviews seriously, unless it's a company I don't care about, I read a book cover to cover, never leave it half done....so given all this, am I an escapist I wonder....

or am I plain lazy...And if the things I have learnt to do had faster results I would enjoy doing them more or finish them...In essence nothing can be learnt in totality, but there is a point in time when one can say that given the circumstances and the resources available, I have learnt all that I could...

do I yearn for appreciation of my work to actually want to practice it? I don't think even that is true, for I have been appreciated for my painting prowess in the past, but I still haven't found the encouragement to learn more and do more...though i have been debating with the idea of joining oil painting classes for soem time now...and i will probably take it up soon...

so I am still wondering how my mind works, what is it that stops me from learning more, from completing a task....is my public fright so powerful that it surpasses e'thing else?...is it so difficult for me to accept the fact that I can actually do something that might not seem very creative or beautiful to the beholder but it is still wonderful for I conceived it...no I don't think so, I do a lot of things for my own satisfactions and pleasure, for my peace and happiness....

so I am still thinking how this warped brain works....And there is so much more thinking yet to do....

I have no voice for singing,
I know I cannot preach,
I have go gift for music,
I know I cannot teach...

I have alot of friends who are very talented, some sing so well that they have a band of their own, some dance very well - they have dance groups and organize shows, some write beautifully, some have a flair with the brush...

So as i was having a chat with a friend, who himself is musically gifted!...i thought out aloud, how untalented I am....I cant sing to save my life, i learnt Kathak(an indian dance form, from North of India) for 5 years..but it was aeons ago and now i can only appreciate dance...i hv 2 left feet i feel most of the times, i love to paint...it's a wonderful form of expression and i would like to learn some more...i tried my hand at pottery once...but never could pursue it...so what am i left with..i dont think anything!

What makes a person talented? is it when they excel at something, when their work is appreciated by all...when their creation receives recognition? It's probably a mix of all this...

My parents, esp. my mom has always been keen to make me learn new things, be it crafts, knitting, music, dance, painting, pottery...she has definitely tried to make me learn...but i hv never been able to do justice to the training i have received...never been able to appreciate the time and energy that was devoted to make me learn these things...

so i wonder what it is that i am good at...if not the obvious things...there has to be something i can do...
after alot of deliberation, i realised i am I am one of those people who is just about mediocre in some things, but is really not a master at anything at all...
it's alright, i dont mind being like this, I am not a perfectionist, but it would be nice to have something which I could proudly say, yes I can do this, for I know I am good at it!....

The Weekend - Kennedy and the Strings concert

This weekend was rather eventful, it started with a fun desi party on friday. On saturday a bunch of us went to downtown Dallas, now we always do this in the wk-end and no restaurant is ever open in the day, and there aren't any interesting people around...so maybe the best thing would be to explore the downtown on a wk-day by taking a holiday!

we went to "The Museum on the Sixth Floor" which is the place from where Kennedy was assassinated. When I was going there I was excited because museums, history always interest me....but on reaching there...i was struck with this feeling of melancholy and extreme sadness. There were exhibits of Kennedy's life when he was sworn in as president, how he performed while in office, his charisma that so appealed to people...
then came the exhibits on how he was assasinated. How Oswald hid in the same place where we walked at that instant....it was very depressing to be made to feel the same thing which a million people felt on that day....

i have realised that though i am intrigued by history and famous figures, but I dont want to face the reality of death...it's a very sad thing and it makes me reminisce moments in my life which have given me the same unpleasant feeling of helplessness to that force that we all know exisits but are not able to reckon with....

The better part of Saturday was the Strings concert, it was at the Irving Arts Center, and it was supposed to start at 8, but eventually began at 9:20...!!! yes it was that late!
Strings is a very talented band, it consists of Bilal Maqsood (guitarist and vlocalist) and Fiasal Kapadia (Lead vocalist). They are a very dynamic duo and Faisal has amazing stage pressence and the ability to entertain the crowd. They sang all famous numbers from Dhaani and other songs (some i hadn't heard before)...the best part being that they even engaged the indian audience...knowing how we might feel alienated in a pakistani crowd. It was a super show which ended with us taking pictures and autographs!

The band, Bilal and Faisal


This pic is us with Bilal and Faisal

It was a wonderful experience, one I would love to have again...and it's only thanks to Sameer and Mudi (my 2 very talented friends who have a band called Masum)....and I am in awe of this band...


England is playing really well and so is Argentina, I feel bad for Mexico...but it's elimination round now...all is at stake now...