Monday, January 24, 2011

Emails and spouses

So this whole spouses reading each others email and texts is bothering me. ALOT!

Before I begin, G and I don't check each others emails or phones. If the spouse wants the me to read something, then it's different.

So, these days I am finding it very hard to email a few of my friends. They are married and their spouses regularly check my friends emails and read emails that are not addressed to them. When I write my mails, I am writing with the satisfaction and knowledge that I am pouring my heart out to my friend. Even if it's not a sniff-sniff kinda email, if they are just forwards, why should someone, other than the person I am addressing my email to, read them? Isn't it a breach of my trust? I find it even more humiliating if I am not even informed that there could be other people reading my emails.

So this SIL informs me casually that every morning she checks her emails and then her husbands, who is my cousin. And I am like WTH??? I send emails to my brother and not to you right? I didn't say anything to her, obviously. I brought it up with the brother. "Well what can I do? She is my wife, she will read my emails".

In another instance, everytime I write to my friend, and even if her husband is not copied on it, he will reply. Thankfully he tells me it is he, else I would wonder where all the macho-ism was coming from. But when I asked her, she said she told him to write back to me. But I wasn't sharing my concerns with him, why did you have to tell him about it?

So then I started to wonder, is it just G and I who don't invade each other's privacy? Does being married mean that you have to share all your friends secrets, jokes , problems with your spouse? That just seems so unfair to the other friends. Does it bother anyone else?

If someone writes an email to me, I can guarantee you, no one other than me will read it.


  1. i guess one must take it for granted that every time u write or say anything to one half, the other half will get to know eventually. even if not at that moment. So one must live with it!

  2. It's common for married couples to encroach on each others' individual identities. This is a great example of that. I think this blurring of identities is gross and yucky. It would be less gross if both parties could honestly say "huzza, I prefer it this way, it floats my boat in the moat!" But when one person is tolerating their partner's boorish encroachment, I'm ready to puke my guts out! Then, someone will tell me that it will all make sense when I'm married and that I'll *want* to lose some of my identity when the right person comes along. Gag. :-)

  3. @ itchy...yeah I guess so..but it would be nicer for me to know before hand if it was going to happen you know?

    @ MP:'re doomed J Man ;)
    To be honest..G n I let each other have our space, so there is hope for you...keep the faith ;)

  4. Anonymous10:48 AM

    Completely agree with you Megha, have stopped writing to one of my married friends for the same reason. I also have people in group where the husband replies from the wife's email and forgets to write that it's the husband. Wife wishes for birthdays on the email chain signing on behalf of both, though the email chain included them both individually. The friend's arguement was that sometimes it's convenient to just ask the other one to wish on behalf of both! As if the other one had not read the email at all or was too hard to write a line to wish a friend!
    I find it even funnier when the husband signs off while replying from his id as (-from wife and husband)! I know i know giving more importance to the other half ;)...
    - Daxa

  5. We dont invade each others' privacy either. If he wants me to read something he tells me to go see or forwards me that email! I do the same thing.

    But I know it is common for couples to not be private about emails.

  6. @ Daxa, I understand your annoyance totally. You know once in a's ok. But always?? It's just unacceptable!

    @ Shilpa
    You know, I too share things with G, because I might be trying to find out if the advice I am giving a friend is right or wrong. But most times, if it's not his business, he doesn't need to know and vice versa.

  7. I know all of G's passwords and he knows mine. But neither of us read each others mail...unless I tell him...go check this mail and get me this info, he wont check and vice versa. I would hate for my husband to see what I write to my friend no matter how close he is to me and G is that way too...I like the privacy and like you said...I am WRITING TO YOU not your spouse and extended pls...

    And if i think something is share-able then I share...else it is for me...

    Agree with you on all counts.