I love this weather...spring by far is the best season followed by fall! the best thing i think the Dept. of Transportation does is put bluebonnets on the sides of highways, so the whole place looks blue and green and you can see parents taking photos of their kids with the flowers. it is an absolute delight!

my life has been very hectic a work, and that is unfortunately having a very bad affect on my food and my gym. the former i am seeing too much of and the later hardly! so i am back to square one, those 2-3 happy weeks of regular gym ming are a thing of the past...i need more motivation to go there and not just sit and watch some damn movie or TV. aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh....

so India didn't make it to the world cup! thank god for that...if it had sneaked in to the super 8s because of other's misfortune i would have been more angry and the Indian team more cocky, it is time for them to really get their act together! And as the BCCI is very "wisely" saying Ghee (saturated Fat) should be banned, yes that indeed is the solution to our cricket woes! There is so much going on in India right now that it's just amazing how one country can concentrate on so many "big" news and events at the same time. There is the Big Bollywood wedding of Ash and Abhishek, which if you ask me is not getting enough media attention, and enough speculation. What these people in the public eye should realize is that we make them what they are today, the adulation, the attention and the insanity it all is because we want to know what is going on with them, so donot please shun the media and not give us the scoop we are looking for.

But truth be told, I really donot care about the wedding, except i want to see what Ash wore at the wedding and the other guests, that is all i care about, so i am hoping atleast some pics are put somewhere!

Then there is the Richard Gere Kissing Shilpa, Oh My God, i am besides myself with rage, how in the world could Richard Gere, come to 'some' show and take advantage of 'one of our dear indian girl' like that! Who cares what the cause is, what the reason for all this and who all contributed to this event and what this event will help in, i don't care about it, i want to go and burn some posters of Richard Gere, make spoofs of his films and when he finally gets back here, stone his house!

***Clarification**** I am being sarcastic above please do not think i endorse the "Shiv Sena" view point! As some people have pointed out that they have not been able to see the sarcasm!

Phew, then there is Sanjaya Malakar phenomenon happening!!!! It truly is just that! One started of as being a joke on the hugely popular American Idol show, how now become quite the rage that the show needed, now they will not admit this, they are making a huge deal out of it, that if he wins, so and so will quit and this will be the worst season ever, but what they dont realise is that in most seasons by this time, people loose interest in the show, but this year the ratings are high and people like me are watching it solely to see what the "wonder kid" will dish out this time, a wacky hair do or a bad rendition of an old favorite! One thing which i love and admire about him is his strength and ability to stand up there and take all the criticism that is being hurled his way, every week Simon will say something mean to him, i don't know how they think that helps, for he is not there of his own accord, they chose him to be there and now the public is voting for him, what is he supposed to do? He is doing his best to come out there and entertain people. I don't think anyone should be mean to him, but what i do know is that the public is mean very mean and for his sake, i don't want him to win the contest, cause the public will not leave him alone, like it is his fault! But the incident at the game that he went to is i think a good indication of what can happen. I have heard and read a lot of people saying because of his Indian background I should be proud of him. I just think this is misplaced patriotism. But that's just me, and i will not support him for this reason, in fact i don't support him at all, i just admire his courage.

The past week is up there in my list of "worst weeks".
Not only was it a hectic week, it was sad and i was very week emotionally and mentally.
It didn't start on a good note at all, for I had a deployment of a new application, the deployment had a lot of hiccups, the network not being available, my import programs running slowly. But Monday morning things were running smoothly...with the initial user errors and some things we didn't think of happening and solving the programs on the fly. it was a hectic day and finally when i went home that day i just prayed that things would get better. Well they didn't, it seemed like everyone wanted me to do everything at the same time fir them and i was not really handling all the pressure well, i hate being the only one who knows how to do somethings. i wish there was a back up plan intact here, but it isn't.

Thursday rolled by and my life was really not going well, the only thing looking positive was that Gourav would be coming back from Kansas City that day. Around lunch time that day, i got a shock that would probably change our office forever. Our network Engineer had not been feeling well that week and hadn't been coming in, but we hadn't heard from him in 2 days and Jeff got worried about him and so thought he should go and see how he is. His name is John Thomas. John is divorced and used to live alone so when our calls to him went unanswered, it was concerning. So jeff went to his house and he saw John's car was in the garage but he would answer the door or the phone. So Jeff called the cops for he was really worried now about John. Jeff was the first person to discover John dead. John was probably trying to make himself a bath when he died, he was suffering from pneumonia. Jeff has not been himself since and we cannot get ourselves to get used to the fact that the guy who sat not more than 1 feet away from us is no more.
Jeff cried and that broke me completely. It's like when a person who you regard as your hero breaks, you think the end of the world is near. I have been not able to shake this feeling of utter chaos and loss from my heart since. i have spent some sleepless nights, thinking about John and how he must be alone...i cannot deal with the empty desk in my office. Jeff came that very night back to the office and cleaned John's desk, it's blank and it stares at me all the time and i cannot look at it. i have to pass it each time i enter the office or leave...

Friday was the day when i finally lost all control and broke down, the stress of all the work i had, seeing Jeff like that and John, it just broke me and all I wanted to do was run away from work. it was one of my weakest moments at work, and i cried. i felt like a fool after that, but it did some good, i just started doing things mechanically without thinking, so that might have been good.

I have been thinking how i am going to go to John's funeral today. It's not about me and it's not about Jeff, it's about seeing John....

May John's soul rest in peace and may God give his family strength to deal with this loss.