Wednesday, July 05, 2006

In an earlier post, I wrote about my talentlessness. I think I know what my state is, it is not lack of talent...It is the incapableness in me to learn any one thing in its entirety, I give up before I have learnt it all...

for instance when I started to learn kathak( N.Indian dance form) I learnt for 5 years, took 2 exams and 1 more exam wud've earned me a degree, I used to really enjoy dancing, but gave up...then painting, i learnt sketching, coloring with water colors, pastels, the last leg was oil painting and I gave up right then...I used to love playing Volley Ball in school, but the moment I got out of school, I gave up on that too...Swimming, once I got comfortable in the water, and could splash around, I didn't hv the urge to go into the deep or to learn different strokes...

so many more instances cloud my mind when I have given up things half way or half done...

does this mean I am an escapist? I don't think so, cause I never run away from my problems, I will always face them, I will always face the enemy and make sure that I have said what it is I wanted to say, I give all job interviews seriously, unless it's a company I don't care about, I read a book cover to cover, never leave it half done....so given all this, am I an escapist I wonder....

or am I plain lazy...And if the things I have learnt to do had faster results I would enjoy doing them more or finish them...In essence nothing can be learnt in totality, but there is a point in time when one can say that given the circumstances and the resources available, I have learnt all that I could...

do I yearn for appreciation of my work to actually want to practice it? I don't think even that is true, for I have been appreciated for my painting prowess in the past, but I still haven't found the encouragement to learn more and do more...though i have been debating with the idea of joining oil painting classes for soem time now...and i will probably take it up soon...

so I am still wondering how my mind works, what is it that stops me from learning more, from completing a task....is my public fright so powerful that it surpasses e'thing else?...is it so difficult for me to accept the fact that I can actually do something that might not seem very creative or beautiful to the beholder but it is still wonderful for I conceived it...no I don't think so, I do a lot of things for my own satisfactions and pleasure, for my peace and happiness....

so I am still thinking how this warped brain works....And there is so much more thinking yet to do....

12 comments:

  1. Nothing is impossible! To balance your life between work, hobbies and achievements, one should be good in time management.I am not picking on you, not at all. Just asking you to be perseverant and patient and that solves all the problems. Good luck!

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  2. Nothing is impossible! To balance your life between work, hobbies and achievements, one should be good in time management.I am not picking on you, not at all. Just asking you to be perseverant and patient, which solves all the problems. Good luck!

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  3. wonderful blog meg...

    i'm sure everyone at certain times in their lives has taken up something and quit at a later stage...your blog reminds me of the things that i too took up but never pursued in totality. And now it's got me wondering as well...about what it IS that makes us do this. Maybe it's the distractions around us...maybe while we pursue an activity, there's another one that seems to look more interesting...and voila! we leave behind what we were doing and run to explore what the NEW "venture" holds for us....
    At such juncture, if we could only put it down on our To-do list and get back to where we were - accomplish what we had set out to...and only THEN go ahead and toy with this new attraction....
    we would end up being extremely multi-talented...
    ...
    ....
    ...
    or then...maybe we'd just end up having one BIIIIIIIG to-do list :)

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  4. shahid4:10 PM

    good work in putting these thots into words Megha ....
    In most cases I persevere for two reasons ....
    either it is a passion or the find out if I can do it ....
    One you have establised that you are able to do something then the challenge wanes ....
    WRT the second issue ..maybe you have not taken up anything you have the greatest passion for ? Do you spend the last minutes of your night thinking about how you are going to do the next step .. or wake up dying to get started on it .... ? Maybe you just need to find that something that will ignite the fires within .. most other things could just be passing fancies ....

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  5. @abhinay
    I dont think time is a problem, coz i am pretty decent with that, yeah patience is maybe the root of my problems, this - I am trying to figure out. And even if u pick on me, it's ok....this blog of for just that :)

    @ sameer:
    LOL at the TODO list, i think I impatient and also a queen of procrastination...and u are right if something more challenging or demanding comes my way the earlier job will go right out of the window...but something needs to be done to ammend this situation i am in!

    @ shahid:
    Thank u masta..coming from u, it's a compliment!
    you knwo the paiting lessons i spoke about here, is somethign i really wanna do...but the rigor or conviction with which i am saying this is not as strong as i would like it to be...
    Shahid u have a wonderful way of saying things, you shud start to write!

    I am basically trying to explore my feelings, my ideas I think...and as yet dont hv a concrete answer or solution. (This i am defi. seeking)

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  6. There are things that you want to do
    there are things that you love to do
    there are things that you need to do
    there are things that you love, want, and need to do...and these are the things that get done completely.

    Some find it out at an earlier age and the rest of us try different things till we find "it."
    Also the fact that you have been doing so many things show that you have been trying...isn't that great in itself? There are so many people
    who are contended with what they have when they actually have nothing...

    And who is complaining that you are the jack-ie of all trades?

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  7. rajat6:13 PM

    jolt in the cold...or in true desi MTV isthyle..one tight slap...thatz what u need rite now. get a grip and realise that the reasons why u don't pursue things are bcoz u lack interest, or talent, or simply the will. thatz y u procrastinate and block the things u wud have been good at. plus to be good at anything takes a lot of patience and perseverence...what u see is the pot of gold...and forget the twisted path. this ain't an attempt to bring u down...just a reality check...so if it hurts...probably u'll get up, find something u love, thrive on ppl's appreciation and pursue it like that was the only thing u cud do to save ur life!!!

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  8. rajat6:15 PM

    after saying all that...i checked out what anu wrote....i so totally agree wid her...being faltu is blissful...rock on!!!

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  9. teeehehehhe! Thanks Rajat :) That is so cute!

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  10. New to your blog... the fact that you like Kishore Kumar and R D Burman -- Masoom and not Masum ;) -- is gonna make me come back here again, and again. Cheers!

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  11. Thanks Bishwanath....
    MASUM is the band my frnds Sameer and Mudi have formed!

    Do keep coming back...i like ur posts too....

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  12. Your analysis is interesting. There is nothing like talentless and lack of capacity to learn is also a false notion. You are asking the wrong questions...you are deluding yourself in some cloud of self-pity as if others around you are superior in some way.

    The question to ask Megha is why did you do all the hobbies/activities etc that you undertook and then could not pursue to a conclusive fruition? If you felt an inner passion driving you, you can pursue a journey upto the point of your passion and not feel the lack of achievement. Whom were you pleasing? Who was driving you to learn how to paint or dance? Parents, peer? Were you trying to prove something to people around you?

    The thing is Beethoven couldnt paint like Picasso and vice versa Picasso couldnt compose. Different persons excel or revel in different activities and worldly judged benchmark is no measure is a person's talent.

    Have you heard/read "I am a one talent man"?

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